Tonight at a special interactive meeting of parents, students, and peer counselors we took turns answering a set of predefined questions. This was supposed to mimic what our students’ real sessions with their peer counselors are like. But there was one question no one seemed to be able to answer.

First, I have to say, the peer counselors (all 12th graders) were an amazing group of young men and women. Articulate, confident, poised, and hard workers. I met my son’s peer counselor and would be thrilled if Jordan turned out just like him. All the counselors did an incredible amount of work to entertain and engage both the parents and the students with a very creative version of the old game-show Family Feud.

Later in the evening, we sat in circles. Those in the inner circle answered a series of questions while the outer circle observed them without saying anything, then we switched.  The questions were pretty tame things like, “If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and why?” or “Who is the person that influenced you most?” The answers ranged from the expected (Tuscany, my father) to really creative (inside myself, my step-dad because I turned out just like him).

But there was one question that seemed to have stumped everyone. The worst part is, they didn’t even know it.  I’ll give you some of the responses that first the students, and then the parents, answered with. See if you can guess the question based on the answers they provided.

The students answered the question with words like:

• Outgoing
• Tired
• Confused
• Talkative

The parents answered the question with words like:

• Bossy
• Work
• Chatty
• Sympathetic
• Organized

Have you figured out the question yet?

If you’re thinking something like “What word best describes you?” You’d be wrong. The actual question was, “What emotion in you is strongest?”

Go ahead, read the list of answers again. I’ll wait.

Done? Did you notice that none of the words on the list were emotions?

Not for a minute do I believe that these parents (who are all very accomplished professionals,  lawyers, and doctors) or these students (who all had to pass a serious of intellectual tests to be admitted) can’t tell the difference between an emotion and an adjective, so what’s up with their answers?

After puzzling over this for a few hours I’ve come to the conclusion that people just seem to have a hard time naming their emotions. Think about it. How many blog posts, tweets, and Facebook statuses do you read where people are willing to describe the things that make them angry, or happy, or sad, but how often do they just come out and say what they’re feeling? If you think about it, it’s actually very rare. And when it does happen it seems extraordinary.

In fact, a friend of mine’s wife posts some pretty raw tweets like “I’m sad,”  ”I feel like crying,” or “I feel needy.” When I read her tweets my psychology degree goes off like the fire alarm when dinner is done. Is she suffering from depression? Is she suicidal? Should I do something? Tell someone?

Or, . . . could it be that’s she’s just more honest about her emotions than the rest of us are?

If we all feel these things (and we all do) why are we so reluctant to tell people about our emotions? Why is it so hard to say ”I’m angry,” or “I’m fearful” (how we feel) than to say “I’m organized” or “I’m bossy” (what we do)?

So prove me wrong. Leave me a comment and show me that you’re willing to talk about your emotions. Answer the question, “What emotion in you is strongest?”

And then tell me how you felt when you did it.

~Jennifer