Is manipulation a legitimate strategy for getting people to do what you want?

If you’re a woman, is it ever right to seduce the men you work with?

Nina DiSesa recently spoke to the Commonwealth Club of California and gave a talk called “Seducing the Boys Club.” In this talk she recommends that women in leadership learn what she calls the art of S & M.

In her book, S & M is seduction and manipulation and she recommends them as helpful ways to deal with the men in yuor office. As the first woman EVP, Executive Creative Director for McCann Erickson New York, the flagship office of the largest advertising agency in the world, DiSesa has worked in the boys clubs of advertising for nearly 30 years. She’s recently written a book by the same title as her speech sharing the tactics she has used to get along with men in the workplace.

I haven’t read the book, but I did watch a video of the speech. In the speech, she readily acknowledges that she’s not advocating selfish manipulation but rather the type of manipulation that results in a win-win for everyone. She calls it “benevolent manipulation” and she’s a proud manipulator of people and situations.

But I found one of her most interesting claims to be that men just want to be loved. Ms. DiSesa uses this information to her advantage. When she has to correct her male co-workers she always starts with positive statements like, “You’re such a jerk, I don’t know why I love you so much.” Or “You’re so annoying, I don’t know why you’re so important to me.”  Her thought is that these positive statements get their attention so they will listen to whatever she says after that.

DiSesa acknowledges that the use of the term S & M is to get attention, she could have called the book charm and cajoling, but felt that the more provocative terms give women more power. She claims that the tactics she uses in the workplace are the same tactics she’s used to manage other men in her life like her boyfriends or her father.

Here’s the video:

Is S & M an acceptable leadership strategy?

My first reaction is no, but if I am honest, I have to admit that I’ve probably done some of these things–I just didn’t call them out as DiSesa does. Is she just more honest and open than the rest of us or is what she’s advocating dangerous?

If you’re a woman, what do you think? Is this a legitimate leadership tactic?

And if you’re a man, has a woman ever seduced or manipulated you? How did it make you feel?

In case you’re interested, I learned about this video from a man I met at a leadership conference. As a leadership consultant he watched the video and thought she made a compelling case for what she does.

What do you think?

~Jennifer